you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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