So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
