Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
