Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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