I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
