So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
