So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
