I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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