I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
