Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
