I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
