Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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