I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
