before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
