dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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