I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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