Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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