party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
