Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
