While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
