i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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