toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize