WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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