you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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