remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
