so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
