I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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