Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
