We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
