but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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