ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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