You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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