I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
