I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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