How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
