Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
