Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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