Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
