i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
