I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
