Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
