My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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