It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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