just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
