the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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