I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
