In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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