Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
