I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
