Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
