This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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