the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
