Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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