In America we eat man semen.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
