apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
