i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize