like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
