i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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