I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
