the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
