i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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