he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize