WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
