a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
