I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
