my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
