had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
