9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
