You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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