I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
