It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
